Stranger: if you pray extra hard, chance will bring you great fortune, youngin
Stranger: you may want to start taking notes!
You: this whole conversation is being recorded, you know
Stranger: ok now after you've got the milk nice and tight in your hand (with the dented cereal box STILL in your hand) listen carefully now, throw it all up in the air and run around making cow noises
Stranger: summon the fellow cows to worship
Stranger: then you can pour the milk
Stranger: and i think your good to go
You: is this for frosted flakes, or cheerios? if this is a recipe for grape nuts you can stop wasting your time
Stranger: FROSTED FLAKES!? CHEERIOS!? WHO DO YOU THINK I AM
You: do i pour the milk like i pour the cereal? just all willy nilly?!?!
Stranger: i just told you how to make froot loops
You: I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM AAUUUGHGHGH
Stranger: willy nilly's the way to go B)
You: you must do a lot of mopping
Stranger: i must!? no no no you must
Stranger: youre the one who made the cereal!
You: this is all so confusing
Stranger: dont even get me started on how to mop >_>
You: maybe i should just eat my cereal outside
You: which will be easy since i live at lumberjack camp
Stranger: omg your a lumberjack!?
You: i am a professional bear wrestler
You: but i live with lumberjacks in the training season, when the bears are most active
You: that way if a bear is too much to handle, there is a beflanneled man with a chainsaw or axe to come to my aid
Stranger: like paul bunyoun?
You: nah that guy was a dick
You: he put so many hardworking lumberjacks out of a job
Stranger: YOU'VE MET HIM!?
You: you can't tell anyone this
You: but he was murdered by a cadre of newly homeless lumberjacks
You: they had to get their jobs back!
Stranger: you've just crushed my only hopes and dreams.
You: and don't get me started on that freaking mutant ox of his
Stranger: since when does he have an ox?
You: you know, that big blue ox
You: babe the big blue ox
Stranger: wow i never knew
Stranger: i never knew there was such a thing as lumberjack camp
You: well it's not like space camp
You: more like a labor camp i guess
Stranger: that doesnt sound too fun
Stranger: is it out in the middle of the woods
You: if you like chopping down trees, it is the most awesome place to be
Stranger: BEWARE OF THE BIGFOOT
You: oh but you must have forgotten
You: bigfoot is just a large hairy dude
Stranger: bigfoot's no bear
You: but he's really pretty cool once you get to know him
You: and man would he be pissed if you called him a monster
Stranger: oh so this is another person you've met that i havent
Stranger: i'm starting to think you have all the fun :|
You: he's not exactly a person
You: sort of a proto-person
You: you know those geico commercials with the cavemen?
Stranger: oh heyyy i love those
You: he's like if one of those had sex with a gorilla
You: and they had a giant mutant baby
You: and that baby grew up to be a forest ninja, invisible at all times, only revealing himself to the worthy
Stranger: can you wrestle him too?
You: but he'd find it degrading
You: he's quite dignified, for someone who wipes his butt with pinecones
Stranger: why not use a leaf?!
You: because he's a SASQUATCH
You: he has a reputuation to uphold
Stranger: how would anyone know though
You: fun fact: a tree born of a sasquatch-poop-smeared pinecone can't burn down
You: and if you cut it down it's guaranteed to kill at least one person when it falls
Stranger: i'll try and remember that next time i'm trying to survive out in the wild using only the knowledge i got from Bear Grylls
Stranger: only one? that sounds a little wimpy to me
You: but it's 100% of the time
You: and that's only when it falls
You: doesn't include any deaths caused by equipment failure at the mills
You: which it pretty much always causes
Stranger: wow. your a genius
Stranger: not to mention my hero.
Stranger: so where exactly is this being recorded onto?
You: there is a guy reading over my shoulder, and carving every word into a tree with his jackknife
Stranger: so your outside eh?
You: we sleep under the stars at lumberjack camp
Stranger: jackknives are dangerous, be gentle children
Stranger: i'm not a fan of bugs
Stranger: i dont think i'd do so well at this so called 'lumberjack camp'
You: it's not for everyone
You: for one thing, you have to be able to draw your favorite flannel pattern on the job application
Stranger: what does drawing have to do with lumberjacking!?
Stranger: and i thought it was a camp, not a job
You: you have to draw maps to all the best trees
You: and they have applications so they don't let someone in who can't hack it
Stranger: how big are these trees you speak of
You: you don't want to be out there, chopping down a giant tree, surrounded by angry forest creatures, with a rookie at your back
Stranger: but then how does anyone ever become good? doesnt everyone start out a rookie?
You: most guys start out chopping down saplings in their back yards
Stranger: but who cares if theres rookies when your there to protect them?
You: hey, i'm a big guy, but i've only managed to shield someone from a falling tree on like, two occasions
Stranger: i guess you're just not fast enough then?
You: oh, it's not about speed. trees fall pretty slowly
Stranger: then whats stopping you from getting there?
You: any tree over about 200 years old, though... those can break your collarbone, or even your back!
Stranger: or maybe even your face
You: i can't wrestle bears with a broken collarbone
Stranger: i see. this distresses me
Stranger: i admit, this is definately the best conversation i've had on here.. EVER
You: it gets lonely up here at lumberjack camp, you know
Stranger: cant your tree carving buddy entertain you?
You: nice to have someone to talk to about something besides chainsaw accessories and axe handle decorations
You: carving is way slower than typing
Stranger: ohh he's still workin on those cereal directions?
Stranger: maybe you should check and see if he hasnt been eaten by a ..whastit yet
You: they don't come in to camp, at least not any more
Stranger: i feel a story comin on!
You: they don't usually venture past the stakes we put out
You: with the decpitated heads of their predecessors on them
Stranger: thats disturbing
Stranger: speared them yourself?
You: but so is waking up to a bear humping your face
You: so you have to set examples, you know
Stranger: how do you keep those away?
You: well these days they just put pictures of my face on some of the surrounding trees
You: most of the bears know better than to come sniffing around here now
Stranger: i guess your a bit popular amoung the bears then?
You: it's more of a revenge thing
You: professional bear wrestling makes lots of enemies in the bear world
Stranger: i'll bet. cant you sleep in some protection from them?
You: anyway, time for me to go
Stranger: haha maybe you should get some comrades? or stay up all night
You: the sun is going down and my solar powered internet machine will die soon
Stranger: haha suns been gone a long time here
Stranger: see ya, thanks for that entertaining conversation
Stranger: good luck against those bears!
You: thanks! have a good night!